I read the book by Charles Webb before I watched the film starring Dustin Hoffman. I think this is fair because the book was written before the film.
The film is a seminal film. The book is better than the film. I'm not saying the film is bad or inaccurate. It follows the book very closely. But there is something in the book that is not in the film. There's a deeper sense of frustration, of stagnation. It is a bleak book, indeed. Most of it is dialogue. It almost reads like a screenplay. The dialogue goes around in circles, repeating itself. The awkwardness of Benjamin is communicated almost entirely by the way in which he talks. The actual manner he adopts is generally not described. You know his manner simply from the way in which he repeats things, spins conversations into confusing repetitive webs. I love it.
I have also read The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler recently. The style is so fresh and contemporary, despite how long this book has been around. The poetry of metaphor is like nothing else I have read before now. There is nothing at all pretentious about Chandler’s writing. It’s accessible and simple to read, yet intensely inspiring and poetic.
I’m working hard on becoming a better writer. Charles Webb and Raymond Chandler are big influences on me. So much so that I get this aching in my gut. I want to be as good as these guys. I am not as good as these guys. Stress eats me. My eyes are tired. It feels like my whole life depends on becoming a good writer.
But then I inhale, close my eyes and get lost in the sounds. I wish I didn’t care. It doesn’t make any difference whether I am a good writer or a lousy writer. I wish I didn’t care.
I recently watched Scum, a film set in a borstal, the Young Offender Institutions of old. It’s one of those films that is going to stay with me a long, long time. I think this has to be one of the hardest hitting films I have ever seen, and I doubt much will come along and challenge this. There’s no special affects, no glitz, no cheap tricks. What carries it is the script, acting and story. Nothing else is required.
What I love mostly about the film is that there is no music at all (except background TV sounds). So when the end credits roll up in total silence I was swearing words all over the place, my stomach fallen outside of itself, blood drained of my face, hands shaking. That total silence held the tension and kept it there. Even a few hours after I’d watched it I was still feeling the affects.
A particular scene that packed a punch for me was after Davies’ ordeal in the greenhouse and he’s in the dining hall, hands clutched around a mug. His eyes track up to Carlin for a moment, like he’s about to tell him what’s happened. But Carlin gets up, walks away. Davies just sits there and stares. The camera stays with him for quite a time, and he sits and he stares. It packs a punch. There’s so much going on there, even though it’s just about half a minute of Davies staring at the table top.
The next scene is something else. It’s a total antithesis to the previous subtlety and for me it’s that stark difference that makes it work all the more.
Don’t watch this film if you are in any way squeamish, over-sensitive or a young offender on bail and about to be sentenced to a stretch in a YOI.
The interior of Mr Kite's cabin, as it is currently (though we now have a new bell flower houseplant on the back bookshelf, which does not feature in these images).
Some beautiful mud.
I am reading Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep. This stuff is pure gold.
More effort will be put into the next post, probably.
This questionnaire applies to Secondary School experiences and was designed as part of my research into a fictional novel centred on a group of school students in year 11 (aged between 15-16ish).
All answers are confidential. You may remain anonymous, or reveal your name. It’s up to you.
In some cases I might find answers interesting or particularly relevant to the plot/ characters within my novel; in which case I might contact you to further discuss certain elements, if you are willing. Obviously I will be unable to do so for anonymous questionnaires.
Please feel free to share any school-based anecdotes. My novel is mostly already written; I am not specifically seeking ideas. The purpose of this questionnaire is merely to gauge how realistic certain pursuits of my characters are, and to ensure that I am representing a balanced and informed view of school life so that I can ensure my readers find the novel relevant and easy to relate to. HOWEVER; if I find an anecdote particularly interesting and feel elements of it could inform my story and fit into the existing storyline, it is possible that I might use some anecdotes as inspiration or whatever. For this reason please only share such anecdotes if you don’t mind the possibility of elements being assimilated into my novel.
PLEASE EMAIL ME YOUR ANSWERS: zomzara@googlemail.com
or email me for my postal address if you'd rather use the real mail.
Name (optional):
Gender:
Age:
Year of GCSEs:
1) How were you educated? State, private, home or other? (please explain if your answer is other.) This questionnaire is probably only relevant to state and private schooled children, but feel free to answer any questions you can, even if you were home educated, or other.
2) Were there boarding facilitates at your school, and were you a boarder? If you answer no please skip to Q4
3) Were you a weekly boarder, or a full time boarder? (or if your boarding arrangements were different, what were they?)
4a) Please circle or star the set-up of your school.
Year 7-11 (age 11-16)
Year 9-11 (age 13-16)
Year 7-13 (age 11-18)
Year 9-13 (age 13-18)
Year 0/1-11
Year 0/1-13
other (please describe)
4b) Please circle or star the relevant option about your school (this applies to the Senior section/ years 7-11 of your school for those who attended prep & Senior combined schools):
Mixed (boys and girls)
Girls only
Boys only
5) Did you enjoy school? What did you like and dislike about school? Please answer in brief.
6a) Did you fit into any particular social group? If your answer is yes, I include these examples. Please circle or star the group(s) you felt a part of/ associated with (you may circle or star more than one):
Boffins/ Keeners
Geeks
Goths/ Emo
sporty/pretty/ ‘jocky’
Prankster
Arty
Party People
Stoners/ weed smokers
smokers
chavs
Eco-friendly
Young Farmers
Rich
Fashionable
Other (please state):
6b) where there any certain groups like those I describe above in your school, or not at all?
7) Did you belong to any clubs or were you involved in any extra curricular activity? If so, what?
8a) Were you aware of any kind of drug culture in or around school? If you answered no please skip ahead to question 10
8b) In which school year/ age did you become aware of a drug culture?
8c) were you directly involved in such drug culture? Ie; did you take drugs whilst still a school student? If you answered no then please skip ahead to question 9h.
9a) what drugs did you take and at what age/ year group?
9b) Were you caught at this, and if so what were the consequences?
9c) Why did you take drugs? (If there was an element of peer pressure please state how pressured you felt)
9d) Did you ever take drugs on school property or/ and did you ever attend school when under the influence of drugs? Please specify what year group. If your answer is no please skip to question 9g.
9e) If you were a boarder please specify whether you took drugs after, or during the main school day.
9f) Did the drugs make the school day more interesting? If so, explain how.
9g) if you have an interesting story/ anecdote about your school-aged drugs experiences please detail this at the end of the questionnaire.
9h) were you aware of others taking drugs. What was the general attitude to their drug-based pursuits?
9g)It is commonly known that a fair few people smoked weed. But were you aware of any other drug use? Please give details if you can.
10) Did you ever consume alcohol when still a school student, under the age of 18? If you answered no please skip ahead to question 11
10a) At what age did you first consume alcohol socially/ not at home (unless it was at home during an unsupervised house party)
10b) Did you regularly drink alcohol whilst still a school student? If yes, what did you typically drink? If no, skip to Q11
10c) Did you ever drink alcohol whilst at school/ during the school day? If no skip to Q10f
10d) Were you caught at this, and if so what were the consequences?
10e) Why did you drink alcohol during the school day? Did it make the school day more interesting?
10f) If you were a boarder please specify whether you drank after the school day had ended, and whether you did so on school property or not.
10g) if you have an interesting story/ anecdote about your school-aged alcohol experiences please detail this at the end of the questionnaire.
11) At what age were you first aware of friends/ class peers engaging in sexual activity?
12) Did you have a girlfriend or boyfriend whilst at school? If so what age were you. If you had a number of boyfriends or girlfriends please state how many and at what ages you had a boy/girlfriend.
13a) Was your sexual orientation clear to you from early on?
13b) were you fairly confident and happy in your sexual orientation? If yes skip ahead to Q14
13c) Did you experience any difficulties with your sexual orientation and if so it would useful if you could discuss the nature of the difficulties. If you are not comfortable to do so, then just answer YES.
13d) Did you ever pretend to have a different sexual orientation? By this I mean did you pretend to be straight if you were gay or bi, or vice versa, or whatever. If so, why?
14a) Did you ever lie and say you had lost your virginity before the age of 16, despite this being false?
14b) Or did you suspect this of someone else?
14c) did you lose your virginity before you were 16? If so, how old were you?
15a) How important were relationships/ sex to you between the ages of 13-18 and how did your attitudes to such matters change as you progressed through school?
15b) how important do you think relationships were to other people? Was it a clear interest among students in general? And from what age?
16a) Did you ever go to clubs/ parties/ gatherings where you or others your age consumed alcohol and/ or drugs? (under the age of 18) If no skip to Q17
16b) How old were you when you first attended such gatherings? And did you do this more than once?
16c) did you frequently go to parties/ clubs etc?
16d) Please feel free to describe any notable occasion within a club, party, gathering, specifically involving drugs, sex or alcohol. Please state what year or age you were.
17) Please circle or star the relevant option below. If none of these options apply to you then please skip to Q18.
Were you a:
Boarder
Weekly boarder
Semi-border (ie, didn’t sleep at school but partook in general boarder activities)
close friend to a boarder
Regularly involved with boarding activities
(If you were not a boarder, but circled one of the last 2 options then please try to answer Q17a-l based on what you observed boarding life to be like.)
17a) How did you pass the time? I did not board, but I did go to a boarding school. I only vaguely remember what sort of after-school routines and lives the boarders lived. I would be extremely grateful if you could describe a typical day and then a typical weekend for a boarder, in as much detail as possible. If you run out of room please go to the end of the questionnaire and continue
17b) Did you have your own room, or did you share in a dorm? How did this change as you got older? For example, in year 7-9 did you share and then for year 10 & 11 did you get your own room? Please give details as to your room allocations.
17c) If you boarded at a Mixed school, were the girls and boys separated in the dorms? (I went to an all girls school so I don’t know at all) Please describe the extent of any segregation between girls and boys and whether segregation changed as you progressed up the school. I am mostly interested in the state of things for Year 10 and 11 students.
17d) Please describe weekend activities and whether there were any compulsory activities (such as church?). How much freedom did you have during the weekends?
17e) In year 11 what was the lights out time? Was a register taken to make sure everyone was in bed and accounted for?
17f) Did anyone ever sneak out of their rooms and into other people’s rooms after lights out?
17g) In year 11 what was the state of affairs between girls and boys in the dorms? Were there any rumours of sexual relations happening?
17h) Did you have a set time to do your homework/ prep?
17i) when a boarder misbehaved, what was the code of conduct? Students who misbehave during school hours get detention. What punishment do boarders get?
17J) could boarders stay for holidays if they were without family or for whatever reason? Please explain if boarders could stay for certain holidays (such as half term) but not others etc.
17K) were there any stupid rules in place for boarders (such as no kissing, not being allowed to watch certain tv etc) Mention anything particularly irritating or restricting.
17l) Did you enjoy your boarding experience? Please detail any anecdotes related to your boarding experience. Continue at the end of the questionnaire if you run out of room.
18) Did anyone play any practical pranks at school? Please go into as much detail as possible about good ones. Basically list other not so good ones
19a) Did you experience death of a loved one whilst still at school? If so, how did this affect your school life? Write in as much detail as you want, and continue at the end of the questionnaire if you run out of room.
(this question relates to an orphaned character who’s plot line and backstory is fairly fixed. I am not looking for ideas, I will not be using whatever you write to inspire my novel, I only want to ensure I am representing such a character in an accurate way that won’t piss off those people who have lived through such experiences.)
19b) Were you aware of any other student who experienced the death of a loved one whilst at school? If so, did you observe an affect on their school life?
20) Was there anyone at your school who was particularly solitary/ without friends? If so, why do you think they were friendless/ solitary?
21)Please describe the worst trouble you got into at school, and the consequences.
22) Please describe the worst thing you and/ or someone you knew of did at school that was not punished/ discovered by an adult.
23)What sort of novels did you read between the age of 15 and 20?
24) Did you feel under-represented in terms of literature during this age? By this I mean, were the books that were available to read and that were marketed towards the 15-20 age group actually relevant to your experiences?
25) What would your ideal school-based novel involve? (eg; pranks, pictures, relationships, sex, parties, school routine, mystery, simple language, detailed description, etc)
26) Would you ever read a school-based novel? If not, why not?
27) Can you think of any good/ notable school-based novels, tv programs, films, etc (eg, Skins, The In-Betweeners, Malory Towers/ Enid Blyton books, Harry Potter, Grange Hill, Waterloo Road, St Trinians, Hellphone,)
28) What would your ideal novel involve? (eg; pictures, action, relationships, simple language, detailed description, etc)
30a) Do you enjoy reading? If so, what genres/ books do you tend to read?
30b) If not, at what age did you come to dislike reading? Why do you think you stopped finding reading enjoyable and what might spark off a renewed interest in reading?
This is a picture from the comic book The Klandestines that I have written. This is just a silly little thing and not an actual panel. Drawn by Dong, coloured by me. A scene from issue 3 of the series. Uploaded here because I can't think of anything else to put up and I decided I don't like the previous post and would like it not to be the latest update. Most of my hours are spent toning The Klandestines at the moment. It's like being at school again, colouring in. :D
This is a tale of two tribes. One wore red, and the other blue. Their many and particular differences became voided in the simple action of peeling back layers, to reveal skeletons that cannot be told apart. High noon, full moon out on a summer’s day. Swift gunfire scatters, slices into the haze. Red dances to the beat pounding heavily on an old tin drum. There is the sound of a thousand wild pigeon wings jumping high into misty white air. Blue waltzes quietly, following the pattern of a million ancient feet. It’s like the sick old lion that has spent a lifetime on the beat. Too tired to carry on, but still hungering for more. He holes up, lying sick and weary at the cave door. Word gets out that their most odious king is nearly dead and gone, he will not be here for long. At long last! Hoist his limp flag at half mast. So roll up, pay your respects. Along come gazelle, imapala and ox, followed gingerly by the fox. Three sets of footprints go in. None come out. Along come zebra, warthog and deer. Six sets of footprints. Nine, twelve, fifteen. Scorning the fox for his indifference, they follow the pattern of a million ancient feet while the fox turns tail, he bails. Meanwhile, back in the now, red and blue flash clashing sabres and swords. Two miles from front lines, dignitaries disguised as thieves pile high their shiny hoards. Five miles hence, Kings and ministers draw out a game of noughts and crosses. Generals and doctors mark them off, count their losses. The next grid is prepared as they review how they fared. A million purple soldiers line up at the mouth of a cave. There is the sound of a thousand captive dove wings jumping high into clear mauve air. Though the barometer reads fair, the weather spills out a snow shower of small white feathers. Reality TV audiences collect them to hand out to the sly old fox. This done, they turn back to their idiot box. Vicariously drink up, consume, piss out hours and hours of misplaced experiences. At the end of their day, wave goodbye to the bosses. Go home to watch the unfurling game of noughts and crosses.
[This image was sent to me a couple of years ago by the Arts Institute at Bournemouth/ ACUB and I wrote a story to illustrate the image. The story was bad. They didn't publish it. This is a new version of the same story. I wrote it a few moments ago so I don't yet know if it is bad. I do not know who drew this picture, other than that they were once a student at the AIB at the same time that I was a student at the AIB.]
Hate the fact that eight hours a day
Is wasted on chasing the dream of someone that isn't us
And we may not hate our jobs
But we hate jobs in general
That don't have to do with fighting our own causes
But we'd rather be supporting ourselves
By being paid to perfect the pasttimes
That we have harbored based solely on the fact
That it makes us smile if it sounds dope
Fumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition and
Yawn and stretch and my life is a mess and
If I never make it home today, God bless
I’m not a great listener of hip hop, but Aesop Rock is something different. It’s a crossroads where poetry, music, art and philosophy crash together, sometimes a little messily. But mess is okay. If you focus really hard you can start to see sense in the mess. On the surface it might seem like too much in one place, too complex, too rich, too confusing. But if you take a step back and stop thinking about it all then it becomes clear that there is an order to the seemingly chaotic splatter of words.
Here are some bizarre music videos from Aesop Rock’s album None Shall Pass, followed by the song No Regrets from the older album Labour Days. I have included the lyrics to No Regrets because they are beautiful and I try to live in harmony with them.
Lucy was 7 and wore a head of blue barettes
City born, into this world with no knowledge and no regrets
Had a piece of yellow chalk with which she'd draw upon the street
The many faces of the various locals that she would meet
There was joshua, age 10
Bully of the block
Who always took her milk money at the morning bus stop
There was Mrs. Crabtree, and her poodle
She always gave a wave and holler on her weekly trip down to the bingo
parlor
And she drew
Men, women, kids, sunsets, clouds
And she drew
Skyscrapers, fruit stands, cities, towns
Always said hello to passers-by
They'd ask her why she passed her time
Attachin lines to concrete
But she would only smile
Now all the other children living in or near her building
Ran around like tyrants, soaking up the open fire hydrants
They would say
"Hey little Lucy, wanna come jump double dutch?"
Lucy would pause, look, grin and say
"I'm busy, thank you much"
Well, well, one year passed
And believe it or not
She covered every last inch of the entire sidewalk,
And she stopped-
"Lucy, after all this, you're just giving in today??"
She said:
"I'm not giving in, I'm finished," and walked away
[Chorus: x2]
1 2 3
That's the speed of the seed
A B C
That's the speed of the need
You can dream a little dream
Or you can live a little dream
I'd rather live it
Cuz dreamers always chase
But never get it
Now Lucy was 37, and introverted somewhat
Basement apartment in the same building she grew up in
She traded in her blue barettes for long locks held up with a clip
Traded in her yellow chalk for charcoal sticks
And she drew
Little bobby who would come to sweep the porch
And she drew
The mailman, delivered everyday at 4
Lucy had very little contact with the folks outside her cubicle day
But she found it suitable, and she liked it that way
She had a man now: Rico, similar, hermit
They would only see each other once or twice a week on purpose
They appreciated space and Rico was an artist too
So they'd connect on saturdays to share the pictures that they drew
(Look!)
Now every month or so, she'd get a knock upon the front door
Just one of the neighbors,
Actin nice, although she was a strange girl, really
Say, "Lucy, wanna join me for some lunch??"
Lucy would smile and say "I'm busy, thank you much"
And they would make a weird face the second the door shut
And run and tell their friends how truly crazy Lucy was
And lucy knew what people thought but didn't care
Cuz while they spread their rumors through the street
She'd paint another masterpiece
[Chorus x2]
Lucy was 87, upon her death bed
At the senior home, where she had previously checked in
Traded in the locks and clips for a head rest
Traded in the charcoal sticks for arthritis, it had to happen
And she drew no more, just sat and watched the dawn
Had a television in the room that she'd never turned on
Lucy pinned up a life worth's of pictures on the wall
And sat and smiled, looked each one over, just to laugh at it all
No Rico, he had passed, 'bout 5 years back
So the visiting hours pulled in a big flock o' nothin
She'd never spoken once throughout the spanning of her life
Until the day she leaned forward, grinned and pulled the nurse aside
And she said:
"Look, I've never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven't pursued
I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done
So i've been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!"
Well!
The nurse jumped back,
She'd never heard Lucy even talk,
'Specially words like that
She walked over to the door, and pulled it closed behind
Then Lucy blew a kiss to each one of her pictures
And she died.
